8 Spic-Tacular Mysteries Nobody Seems To Understand
According to Google, the Latino and Hispanic community make up the largest minority group in the United States. Latino people makeup about 17% of the United States demographic. That means a whole lot of Vicks, Lemisol, and Adobo teachings are being passed down to the following generations. But there are certain mysteries that the previous generations have yet to solve or even understand. Sientensen todos and let's figure out these Brown Power myths.
1. Does Vicks really cure all??
Anytime I gave the slightest inkling of catching a cold, my mom came to the rescue to rub me down from head to toe in "Vivaporu" (Vicks Vapor Rub). If I complained of a headache, out came the Vicks. If I had a pimple, out came the Vicks. If a boy broke my heart, out came the Vicks. If I broke my arm, out came the Vicks. Vivaporu is just not for "un gripe" (a cold). I am convinced it is all purpose. I am also convinced it is all in my head.
2. Why does Adobo make everything better?
I am not a chef by any means. However, if I want anything to taste better I add adobo. I really want to know what crack Goya put in that seasoning that makes it so damn delicious. And now it comes in the less sodium version!
3. Who is El Cuco and why am I so scared of that nigga?
Until this day, I am still scared of homeboy. I don't care what anyone says, my man Cuco is out there. I blame my family for putting that fear in my heart. Que vaina...
4. Why do white people and DJs think "Suavemente" is the international Latin anthem?
Dear melanin challenged brethen and west coast DJs, On behalf of New Yorkers everywhere: We hate "Suavemente"!! Stop playing it! It will not get your party started!
5. Where does your Tia or Tio get those strawberry penny candies?
You know what I am talking about. The penny candy joints that have the strawberry wrapping. No one ever goes to the bodega and actually BUYS them. I know I never did. But somehow my Tias, and my mama always had those on deck.
6. Why was there always a roaming cat in the bodega?
Better yet, why was Misu the cat perched on top of the bread? Didn't papi behind the counter know that this is a health code violation!? You know what is a better question? Why did we all still buy the bread and ate it!? Explicame!
7. Why are Dominican barbershops so damn loud?
Before I decided to grow my hair out, I used to cut my hair at Boogey's Place in Newark, NJ. Obviously, it was a Dominican barbershop. With that barbershop came loud music, Brugal, and the "i- just-got- here" Dominicans. You know the kind: with the tight ass Armani Exchange jeans, moccasins with the little medal thing in the middle, mad jewelry and the tight ass button downs. If you are having trouble spotting them, they are the ones talking about how they are saving to go back to Dominican Republic for a month. Anyway, they all talk as if they were in 8 blocks away when in actuality, they are centimeters away. A better question would be, do Dominicans know how to whisper?
8. Why do Puerto Ricans always need to remind you that they are Puerto Rican?
I never got that shit. I get it: you're Puerto Rican. Puerto Ricans are the Crossfit/Vegans of the Latin community. How do you know a Puerto Rican is Puerto Rican? Answer: Don't worry, they will tell you.
I am sure there are more mysteries that we need to solve. Feel free to leave some in the comments. Until next time!